Hello Reader,
I'm sorry; it's been a while and I have been neglectful. Too busy with the minutiae of a life that still feels in transit - somewhere between DC, Cambodia, Menlo Park and Brooklyn - and soon to relocate again, to somewhere not very far, but with more square footage. I have been taciturn (discreet? can I claim discretion on a personal blog?) also because I've been censoring the stream from brain to page - which means what I most want to discuss must be unsaid, along with anything and everything else. Ruminations on my last few (ish) relationships are absent, along with the almost absurdly typical New York City adjustment debauchery phase I am apparently experiencing. And you have no idea the things I want to tell you, so you and I can commiserate and cocelebrate all these "lessons" and jesuschristhowdidthathappen moments that have impressed and appalled Small Town Me. My college roommate, dearest Lauren B, would not be surprised that I still brush my teeth and hang up my clothes when I get home at 3 or 4, even if the rest of the evening's decisions were less responsible or otherwise insane. I didn't know there was a Small Town Me. The Big City will learn you but quick.
What I am getting at is here I am at this point of inflection, and a lot of what I expected to define my life and livelihood is still undetermined - is this relatively stable? In some ways I am in extended adolescence, a kind of retrograde where I am hanging out with 24 year olds and semi-unemployed and testing my limits, changing my hairstyles. I can still smell the fumes of the high I rode last Fall, when I was convinced I had discovered the secret recipe for my own happiness and I was unshakable and brilliant. It's there, if less exhilarating. But I will allow a little bit of emo now and again. I return to this question of character and identifying qualities - whatever immutable things you can know about a person, or yourself. What would I never do? What do I know you will always do? These thoughts can trend melancholic and are overwhelmingly self-absorbed, but I think I have them in check. I think so until I have told the nth person about the shady colleague or thoughtless friend who behaved "out of character," and I see I am still thinking about it.
But there is the fun stuff, too, I swear! I am chatty with a tattooed waitress because I am a regular at her restaurant! I can do roll ups in pilates now! I went to England, and I went to Miami, and I met the world's hipsteriest, swarthiest, hottest Chilean blogger! I regularly attend literary panels and cultural events! I impress people at karaoke! I put together hip and interesting outfits on an almost daily basis and I can do complex word problems in under two minutes. I can read html and Spanish. I feel so much love.
